She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
