I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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