Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
