i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
