I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
