Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
