I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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