Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
birth control should be required to get into college
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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