This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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