did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
