You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
