Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
