omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
