Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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