Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
