Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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