filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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