It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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