Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Randomize
