Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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