I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
