ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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