Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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