shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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