you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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