I just saw a hot homeless man
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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