In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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