Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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