So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
