Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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