i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
