i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
