In the future we'll all be gay
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
