mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
