So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
