If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
