I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
