I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
