I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
