No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
