There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
