Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
