I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
