just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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