Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
