not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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