why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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