You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
