I look better un-naked...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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