Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
