it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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