omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
