All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
