i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
