I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
