You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
