That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
