Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
