Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
