Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
