u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
