You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize