I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Quick, to the slutcave!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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