I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
