I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
