you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
