I wannas sexs uuuuu
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
