drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
