girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
