I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
